Benefits of Polyamory

Who's To Judge?

Everyone has their own version of the ideal relationship, and therefore it's tempting to assume that from a personal perspective, one version is as good as another. After all, what gives anyone the right to judge other people's choices?

That's fine on the surface, but what if someone isn't aware of or doesn't fully understand the choices available to them? How do they know that they're really making the best choice? The fact is that they don't, but someone who recognizes this situation and isn't afraid to judge it for what it is, just might be able to help.

Some would even go so far as to say that those who are better informed have a duty to help others make more informed decisions. For example, few of us would feel offended by someone who warned us that a potential partner is a known con-artist.

So contrary to the idea that it's nobody's place to judge the quality of other people's relationships. There are certain objective factors that make it reasonable to compare various kinds of relationships with a view to determining in an objective manner which are more beneficial than others.

That's the spirit in which the benefits of a polyamory are offered here. It's not a personal judgement about you. It's about ideas and concepts that you can evaluate on your own and apply to your situation in whatever way you think may be beneficial.

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Real Freedom Of Choice

As children, most of us are asked what we want to be when we grow up, and are shown a variety of options. However those options are typically framed in a 1950s and prior nuclear family model, and by the time we realize there are other kinds of relationships it's either too late for alternatives, or we're so conditioned that other options are rejected out of hand.

Given this level of socialization and social conditioning, can we really say that a mono lifestyle is a free choice? Sure there's some room for improvisation, but it's really more like being told what part to play than writing your own story. In contrast, polyamory gives individuals much more freedom of choice in modeling the kind of relationship that is right for them.

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A More Stable Foundation

The expanded freedom for individuals to model a relationship that is right for them allows for the removal of obstacles associated with traditional mono relationships that cause instability.

For example behavior traditionally seen as taboo, such as being attracted to more than one person is considered perfectly natural. Therefore it can be openly discussed rather than repressed. This fosters communication, trust and honesty rather than creating a stage for jealous outbursts or secret affairs.

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Increased Relationship Security

Unlike mono relationships that require one relationship to end before one can engage in another, poly relationships allow for the continued survival and evolution of existing relationships alongside new ones. Therefore nobody needs to fear that they'll get dumped because of the "new person".

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Expanded Support Structure

In mono relationships, when a new person comes into the picture, the existing relationship disintegrates, social support structures fracture, and assets get divided and often devalued. In contrast, when someone new comes into a poly relationship, all those things are reinforced.

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Depth & Communication

The repression inherent in mono relationships creates an environment where open honest communication about our natural feelings and instincts is also more likely to be repressed, because if it's not, it will most certainly be met with disapproval that puts the relationship at risk.

Consequently people in mono relationships often keep contentious subject matter to themselves, which over time creates an inner world for them that their partner may be entirely unaware of. When that happens they are no longer truly loved for who they are, but for an illusion based on memory and habit.

In contrast, poly people talk about everything and are in tune with their partners inner worlds. This means that when they are loved they are truly loved for who they are rather than who they seem to be on the surface. This is the essence of intimacy in a truly poly relationship.

One thing that seems to unite the polyamorous community is a real enthusiasm for digging into emotions. Honesty, openness and communication are cornerstones for polyamorous relationships. - Scientific American